domingo, 2 de mayo de 2010

A rant.

So, games. I love them, but am I also starting to hate them?

Recently it's becoming harder and harder for me to find a game that is fun. Ironically, that has as much to do with how games are made nowadays as to my economic situation.

You see, I'm basically poor in what I'm gonna call "gamer standards". I don't have readily access to international currency, nor the means to acquire new gadgets, new hardware, or new software, without at least waiting for some relative or close friend to travel abroad and bring me stuff, if I ask real nicely (thanks Hugo Chavez!).

How does that even tie into gaming? Well, my hardware is massively outdated. And I just don't see a point in buying whatever crappy hardware they're trying to market here as the second coming, when in reality I know that piece of crap video card came out 4 years ago and is obsolete by today's standards.

That has forced me to either not even look at new releases (other than in videos) or look around for the best games of yesteryear.

Nowadays, if you don't have at least a dual core processor (which I don't) and some 2 Gbs of decent RAM with at least 512mb of GOOD video memory (good clocking and memory bandwdith included), you basically can't even look at new releases without your computer throwing a hissy fit.
Which is exactly what happens to me.

Oh how I yearn to play some Battlefield Bad Company 2, with all it's multiplayer glory, along with a clan of international players, all having a nice time on a ventrilo server, while fragging the crap out of each other.

And even if I managed to get a decent computer, I can't buy the games. Well, I can, but they won't be "original" and I wouldn't be able to play them in multiplayer, so really, what's the point? I'm talking about piracy.

Piracy in this country is so widespread, so blatant, that it makes me hate this country.

This is but one of thousands of pirated software stands in my country. You see why noone buys original stuff?

Piracy is so bad, it has driven the legal market out of the country for good. It is literally IMPOSSIBLE to find an original game in a store in this country. At least new releases. Yeah, I might find Ford's Mustang Challenge 2004 or whatever in some obscure shop in the capital but not the good stuff.

You must be wondering by now, why do I say I'm starting to hate games?

Because of the diferentiation between casual and hardcore games is becoming blurrier each year.

First of all, my definition of casual and hardcore games might be different than yours, so let me clarify.

To me a casual game is a game that can be played by everyone, no matter if they have played games before, or how old the person is.

Take Guitar Hero for example. This is an intuitive game, it's easy to grasp the concept. Everyone can play this. And although there is a hardcore part to this game, most gamers will agree it's just another casual game.

Now a hardcore game is a different kind of monster. It requires a lot of thinking, or fast reactions, reflexes and strategy changes. It requires you to devote a certain amount of time, more often than not, a long amount of time, to be decent at it, let alone good.

It contains a meta gaming portion, be it hidden content, social inclusion, strategy forums or even for the most hardcore of gamers, clans, leagues and tournaments.

They have complex mechanics, and hidden rules that you've got to figure out by trial and error, rules that make you superior to those who forgo this knowledge, be it out lazyness or just ignorance.

Basically, if a game is targetted towards casual gamers, most of the time I can play it. Because they make them like that. Casual gamers don't have killer rigs, nor the drive to fine tune their system to handle the good stuff.

Games for casual people are like a one night stand. You get them, you have fun for a while, you laugh, you enjoy, but ultimately, you forget them. Unless they surprise you 9 months later... but luckily games don't do that, most of the time.

Let's take these new lego games for example. Lego Harry Potter, Lego Star Wars, Lego Indiana Jones. There are a lot of them. They're as casual as it goes.

They're fun for a while, a couple hours at most, but then, as a hardcore gamer, you burn thru the content so fast, and it becomes so easy for you that you go through the game in a few hours tops. You basically do all the content that's included in 2 or 3 sittings.

And that's not fulfilling, at all. You feel like you wasted that time after you go through the game. I mean, you HAD fun while playing, but after you're done, and you think back on it, you can't help but think to yourself "god, that game was short, so short in fact, it wasn't that enjoyable".

On the other hand, we have the hardcore games.

These games are where the good stuff is at. They're hard, they're challenging, they're fun, they're long, they have complex stories that suck you in, sometimes they make you think back on your life, or how life works. But most of them need a monster of a computer (compared to what I have). And since I can't do multiplayer on most of them because of the latency, and I can't crank up the visuals, I'm not even enjoying the full experience.

So again, I'm feeling like I didn't get all there was to get after I play them. Since all I do is single player, I burn through games at an astounding rate. And the single player portion of most games nowadays is extremely short. Heck, some of them don't even HAVE a single player, some are all multiplayer. And usually these are the ones that look the most fun.

So I'm left with games that are hardcore, but old. Which is not a bad thing, don't get me wrong.

Games like Diablo 2, Starcraft, DotA (a Warcraft 3 map mod), Sacred, Titan Quest, etc. These are all "hardcore games" by my definition.

Some of these games have an important multiplayer component, one that is practically impossible for me to enjoy to the fullest.

It's because of the latency of a bad connection coupled with the fact that servers are halfway across the world and I share this connection with 4 other computers at times, or even dying communities.

These are all games that I love, and these are not the ones I hate. Unfortunately, these types of games are few and far between.

I hate the new games. I hate how developers are selling out to casuals, how each new game gets dumbed down more and more each year.

I do have a theory though, that might explain why so many gamers feel like this.

It's the experience. We, as hardcore gamers have accumulated so much experience and knowledge of hundreds, maybe thousands of games, that we take some stuff for granted, or breeze through things that make others look at us and say "Um, did play this before?".

And I'm not trying to be a showoff, but that has truly happened. I notice things, I intuitively discover secrets, and instintively know where I'm supposed to go, or what I'm supposed to do, to the point that people around me say "How did you know that?" ... I don't know? I ... just do?

Which makes me hate new games that are becoming easier and easier. Casual games are a breeze. And the new supposedly hardcore games, are just becoming easier, be it because of my experience playing games, or developers flat out making them easier, at least in the single player portion of the game. Remember, most of the time, I don't do multiplayer.

This is just a rant, nothing more, but really, are games becoming so easy now? or am I just jaded, by the lack of possibilities of this country, the restraints of a crappy government?

Can't wait until I move out of this hell hole of a country, to a place where I might actually enjoy my hobby to the fullest again. Get access to technology a fair price, maybe a decent internet connection.

I'll write again later when it happens, but for now, thanks for reading my rant, I hope you enjoyed it, and made you think, about stuff.

martes, 23 de junio de 2009

jueves, 18 de junio de 2009

Hammer Pants mob strikes again...

Se acuerdan de los locos que puse hace un par de semanas, que salen bailando al son de Hammer Time de M.C. Hammer?

Atacaron de nuevo Los Angeles!

lunes, 8 de junio de 2009

Translator san doesn't care. He's a badass.

Para los que no saben, el gordito es el traductor de Polyphony Digital, la compañia japonesa que hace Gran Turismo, el aclamado juego de carreras de PlayStation. Estuvo presente en la conferencia que dio Sony y Polyphony Digital en la edicion 2009 del E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo). El representante de Polyphony no habla ingles, asi que trajeron a este señor que escribia todo lo que decia el señor de Polyphony en una libretita, y luego lo traducia. Lo gracioso es que ni se molestaba en mirar a nadie ni hacer ningun tipo de gesto, asi que por supuesto, como es debido y de esperarse, se convirtio en un meme de internet de la noche a la mañana. Yo diria incluso, que tiene el record de velocidad en la ascension a memedeidad, ya que el video estaba siendo transmitido en vivo, y apenas aparecio este señor tan indiferente, en escasos minutos se habian credo fotos de el, siendo apodado Translator-san.

Aca tienen la conferencia original, observen la indiferencia del traductor, que durante los 5:00 la conferencia, no hace nada mas que mirar su libretita:

Y como es de esperarse, aca tienen las creaciones de los ociosos del internet, los fabricadores de los populares "memes":


Definitivamente, el tipo es un rudo!

domingo, 7 de junio de 2009

Ode to Jackie Chan

From the Angry Video Game Nerd (Or AVGN), top 10 list of Jackie Chan's stunts.


Ustedes ven Nitro Circus y piensan que esos tipos estan locos? Veian Jackass y pensaban, "Mierda, esos carajos estan fritos!".

Saben quien es Evel Knievel? Es un pendejo al lado de Jackie Chan. Yo sabia que el hacia sus propios trucos, y que estaba medio loco, pero mierda...


<3 muppets

sábado, 6 de junio de 2009

Bebes miedosos

El segundo es demasiado gafo xD

viernes, 5 de junio de 2009

Hammer Pants

Que pasa cuando un grupo de gente se aburre y decide hacer algo con sus reservas de emergencia de pantalones de MC Hammer?


STOP! Hammer time!

What do you get when you combine Hammer pants, and artsy people?

Me hubiese encantado estar ahi!

The Dark Twilight

Asi que hoy me puse de acuerdo con mi novia para ver los MTV Movie Awards. (En realidad el plan original era ir a ver Terminator 4 en el cine porque la estrenaron ya, y esa es imperdible! pero se enrrollo la cosa y bueno, no dio tiempo).

Viendo el programa, comienzo a notar que, que casualidad, Twilight esta arrazando. Por dios, ahi comienza mi diatriba (no se que significa esa palabra pero la queria usar).

Cada vez que veia al pana que hizo de Edward Cullen, tenia que hacer algun comentario acido, de esos que puedo hacer yo que ponen a llorar a los limones. Y no es que el pana me caiga mal, como me pregunto mi novia ("Porque te cae mal el, vale?!"). Como le respondi a ella, no es que el pana me caiga mal, el actor se ve que es burda de pana, y hasta actua muy bien, es el puto vampiro que obtuvo como papel en Twilight, Edward Cullen. Es el personaje.

Coño, es el carajo mas emo de la historia de los emos. Si agarras a todos los emos que se la pasan en las feria de comida del orinokia, en la feria de macro centro, y a los que solian pasarse el dia parados frente al Yamin Family Center de macro centro viejo aparentemente sin hacer nada (ya deben ser abuelos), y los metieras a todos en una licuadora, y el liquido negro, burbujeante, lloron y lleno de amargura y auto-lastima, se lo inyectaras a Cate Blanchett (la tipa no puede hacer una pelicula sin soltar aunque sea 3 llorantinas), no llegaria ni a la mitad de lloroneria y mariconeria pura y falsa que monta este pana cada vez que abre la boca.

Ademas de lo falso del tipo, esta lo forzado del personaje. Si no era para llorar, entonces cada vez que abria la boca era para decir semejante hiloterapia de falsedades y cuchiterias que te daba un ataque de diabetes aguda cada tres paginas del libro. El tipo jura que tiene mas labia que Johnny Bravo. Quien se hubiese imaginado que los vampiros eran metrosexuales, cursis de aqui al fin del mundo, y brillantes.



Nojodas Stephenie Meyer, que mierda te paso por la cabeza cuando pensaste en semejante barbaridad?! Veamos otros ejemplos de Vampiros brillantes de la literatura:




Nop, no hay.

Saben por que?


(A menos claro que haya sido el heroe de la novela que lo cubrio de gasolina y lo puso a arder por blasfemo y hereje, ahi si te creo que brillan).

Son malvados, son maquiavelicos, son engañosos, sucios, reptantes, te apuñalan por la espalda mientras beben tu sangre y nisiquiera te has despertado.

Es como si yo decidiera un dia escribir un libro acerca de la guerra fria. Pero ambientado en 1546, y en vez de caballeros en caballos, hay centauros batallando contra ranas hipnoticas gigantes, y en vez de un castillo, hay un local de manicure donde se reunen los centauros a hacerce la francesa en los cascos mientras toman el te. Adivinen que? Eso no es la guerra fria. Y adivina que Stephenie Meyer? Eso NO ES UN VAMPIRO!

Lo que nos llevo a otra blasfemia, esa misma noche. (La primera fue cuando Twilight le gano a The Dark Knight por mejor pelicula!).

Ahi estoy yo, echando espuma por la boca cada vez que veo al maric*** del vampiro brillante, cuando mi novia dice "Ademas, terminator tambien brilla"...

Woah woah woah...


Parame ese disco ahi...


Te metiste con Terminator? Que bolas tienes! (hipoteticas claro)

TERMINATOR ESTA HECHO DE F***IN' TITANIO!!!! DE BOLAS QUE BRILLA!!!!!!! Es un robot hecho de maldad, muerte y silicio extraido de la novena paila del inframundo!!!

El otro homosexual seguro se baña en escarcha mientras escucha My Chemical Romance y llora porque Bella lo ama!!!!

Esta imagen la hice yo y lo demuestra todo. Tiene copyright!

Es que de verdad, esta noche, tuve que escribir mi primer articulo en toda mi vida, solo para poder sacarme esto del pecho.

Como co** le gana Twilight a The Dark Knight?

Mirenme a los ojos (si, yo se que es internet y lo que tienen al frente es un monitor, pero ya saben a que me refiero), y diganme que Twilight fue mejor que The Dark Knight!!

Si, yo sabia que no iban a poder. Es que no hay comparacion. Es que nisiquiera representaron bien al libro en la pelicula, el libro fue mil veces mejor (si, los lei los 4). Pero por dios...

Es que nisiquiera hay comparacion, hasta el casting de Twilight estuvo mal hecho. El tipo que hace de Carlisle Cullen se veia falso. Al pobre chamito que hizo de Jacob (el hombre-espiritu-lobo) seguro lo tuvieron que bombear full de esteroides para poder hacer la segunda pelicula (yo le digo mini-me, si leyeron aunque sea hasta el segundo libro lo entenderan). La pana que hizo de Alice Cullen era burda de linda, incluso mas linda que Rosalie Cullen, que se menciona durante todo el libro que poseia la belleza mas pura y radiante que jamas haya podido tener algun ser de este universo (excepto quizas solo sobrepasada por adivinen quien? Homosexedward Cullen... que barato).

De hecho, el casting fue tan malo para Rosalie, que la pana que hizo el papel es de piel medio bronceada y pelo castaño medio, y la tuvieron que maquillar de blanca palida (para que pareciera una vampira, claro) y teñirle el cabello de amarillo prendio al mas puro estilo de una Wileima cualquiera de alla de Los Aceitales en Cucutun Del Cacique (pueblo ficticio, por cierto). Yo me entere de eso hace poco, pero cuando vi la pelicula sabia que habia algo raro con esa tipa, y tengo testigos.

Aaahhhhh, lo que me recuerda otra cosa. Cuando fui a ver la pelicula. Estaba con un pana en Caracas, quedandome por alla para echar vaina. Cuando fuimos a ver la pelicula, creo que eramos nosotros dos con la hermana de el, y uno que otro novio de alguna chama que tenia cara de "Que ladilla, para que se tenia que comprar ese libro?", y uno horda de quinceañeras sedientas de vampiro brillante. El queso se olia en el aire. Cada vez que aparecia Edward Cullen en la pantalla, el pana y yo levantamos las piernas echando vaina, para que no nos mojara la ola de baba (por no decir otra cosa) que bañaba la gradas del cine. La hermana del pana mio se cagaba de la risa, y tambien se indignaba un poquito, creo.

Hasta aqui les dejo mi habladera loca, porque si sigo, termino escribiendo un libro yo tambien. Pero no se preocupen, no tendria vampiros emo bañados en escarcha, eso se los aseguro.

jueves, 4 de junio de 2009

Poema para mi

De mi novia linda linda como un perro caliente bien hecho:

amorito, amorito
cabeza de limón
bonito, bonito
dulce papelón

papalito papalito
cru cru, cru cru
ojitos, ojitos
churún merú

Eh? que bueno! Aplausos!

Quick update!

Aja, tenia que poner esto aca, rapidito, solo para que vean...


Quick update, just to embed this awesomesauce filled video.

It's a motherf***ing automatic shotgun. Yeah, 300 rounds per minute bitches!

miércoles, 3 de junio de 2009


Esto.. osea... es como mis sueños hechos videojuego. Es como si me hubiesen leido la mente, y hubiesen extraido mis pensamientos e ideas... Esto es demasiado.


Holy ****! Ultra Marines... power hammers, power claws, heavy bolters, drop pods, nobz, boyz, warbosses, battleships. This is perfection made game. This is WH40K.

My Ultra company pledges it's life and service to the Emperor, beloved by all.


martes, 2 de junio de 2009


Bienvenidos a mi blog! aqui voy a poner cosas que me parecen interesantes, graciosas, o utiles. De todo un poco pues. Espero que les guste mucho!

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Welcome to my blog! I'll be putting up stuff here that I think is either interesting, funny or useful. A little bit of everything basically. I hope you like it a lot!

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